Wednesday, December 9, 2009
I'm turning 30 on Friday! I have been dreading it for reasons I can't quite pinpoint, but my mood about it is starting to change. I guess now that it's actually here, and I have made some fun plans...it doesn't seem so dreary!
The thing that freaks me out is that I can remember when I was a child and my parents were 30. Does that seem weird to anybody else but me? I've never thought about that until this year! Time seems like it goes by faster than ever now, especially watching Ava and Archer grow.
I've always been one to appreciate the present and not take things for granted, but it still becomes a passing memory way before I'm ready for it to! I think if I didn't enjoy life so much, then it wouldn't bother me to watch it fly by! There isn't anything to do but accept it and move on!
Another thing that makes turning 30 a little more overwhelming, is the fact that I never pictured my life to have turned out quite like it has! On the surface, if you heard..."Divorced...living with her parents...single mom to 2" You would think disaster... But, let me break those down for you!
Divorced- gladly divorced for 4 years now! Shellshocked when it all went down, but I can look back and realize that it wasn't going to work out...He changed, and I'm glad I don't have to deal with his issues any longer. Now we just have to raise Ava together, and that is working out just fine. I have been able to forgive, and we have moved past all that to become friends again for parenting sake!
Living with my parents- I chose to move in with my parents and sell our house because I want to move into a different school district before Ava starts school in 2011. We aren't crammed into a little house or anything...Me, Ava, and Archer are living in their "mother-in-law" suite in the basement. We have our own kitchen, laundry, bathroom, bedroom, playroom, and garage. But still, technically we are living with my parents and I hate the way that sounds. I was always so proud of the fact that I was able to keep our house after the divorce, and NOT move in with my parents. I don't mean for it to sound like I don't appreciate what they have done for me and mine. My parents have been such a blessing and a huge help. I couldn't do what I do without them!
Single Mom to 2...I am divorced from Ava's dad, but Archer is a different story. After my divorce, I was most worried about whether or not I would have more children. I have never wanted to just have 1 kid, but what was I going to do about it now? I wasn't very interested in getting married again...been there, done that...but I did want another baby! So, I went about it in an unconventional way. The thought of artificial insemination always irked me because I wouldn't know who the father was. I really didn't want to go that route, but I wasn't totally ruling it out. I was talking one night about my predicament with a friend, who just happened to be a guy, and I just asked him if he would do that for me (help me make a baby). To my surprise, a week later, he accepted my offer...no strings attached, if I got pregnant, the baby would be mine. Well, it worked! It was that fast and a month later I was dealing with the realization that I was actually going to have the baby I wanted! There has been gossip and questioning, but I expected that. I haven't revealed the identity of Archer's "sperm donor" to anyone, because that was part of our deal. I know, I know, I know...I will just have to deal with that when Archer is old enough to ask questions! In reality, we have treated this as if I was artificially inseminated...the father isn't listed on the birth certificate, and he has no interaction with Archer. I think of Archer and the way I came about having him as a blessing! I honestly think God wants him to be here with me...he wasn't an accident or a consequence...he was wanted from the beginning, he was meant to be a part of mine and Ava's family.
So, when you break my situation down like that, it isn't like it sounds on the surface. This isn't what I expected out of my life at 30, its more! I am happy and blessed! I couldn't imagine my life like this, because it is better than I ever expected!
Happy Birthday to ME!